Raj Story

There once was a cow in a field chewing grass somewhere in the Mountains of India. The cow was called Basanti. Now this cow was not any ordinary, happy cow, this cow had been besmirched by her owner, Ranjit Singh. Now, Ranjit was so ugly that many women had knocked back his arranged marriage proposals so he decided to use Basanti as his companion. In the 1980's, Basanti gave birth to her and Ranjit's infant and named him Raj. The villagers were shocked and appalled when they saw young Raj as he had the features of both parents so they were thrown out of the village and effectively out of the country. In 1985, they made their way to England using Noah's Ark for most of the way and a banana boat to sneak in under the nose of Border Patrol. When they arrived in England, they had met with a guy in Bradford who offered them a place to stay at his house that was decorated in Arsenal colours which had a huge garden with a tree in the middle where Basanti could relax.

22 years on from when they arrived in Bradford, Raj was now a full-grown cretin working in Burger King after failing miserably in his exams at school and failed trials at Bradford City. Raj had a few problems with women when he was younger so he quit dating females and moved onto men. At the moment, he was the plaything of four people... Danny Forrest, Dean Windass, Michael Owen and David Beckham. He was so happy when one of these men did well in their profession and he told everyone that they proved everyone wrong and they're the bestest ever in the whole wide world. One of Raj's interests were to go on football forums pretending he was one of these players, which didn't go down too well on these forums because he always got exposed as a liar

One day, whilst at Burger King, a tall man with slick black hair walks in to Raj's till and orders a Chicken Royale Meal. Raj looks up and is immediately taken aback by the man and his jaw drops to the floor. " Oh my god, its Cristiano Ronaldo, I love you so much " said Raj. Cristiano blushed and then handed over his number to Raj saying that if he was ever in Manchester, come down and he'll sort out a few complimentary tickets for Raj and his family.

That night, at Danny Forrest's house, Raj was staying the night so they were watching highlights of Bradford City's favourite moments which ended after about 10 mins so they decided to entertain themselves. Raj did not seem to have the same enthusiasm towards what they were doing as his mind was on what had happened at Burger King during the day. He told Danny what had happened and how he's fallen for Cristiano. Danny did not like this and was furious,
" You PLANKPOT, how can you think of someone like him when you have me " fumed Danny " But he is so handsome " Raj replied " He cost us the last World Cup and is a diving cheat " said Danny Raj was animated at this time and the only thing he said was " BUT he has proved you and everyone wrong and is the most skillful player and best looking in the whole wide world ".
Raj walked out of Danny's house into his Datsun 180Y and drove all the way up to Manchester to visit Cristiano.

On arriving in Manchester, Raj flagged down a car asking the driver if he know the directions to Cristiano's house, which he did so Raj got back in his car and arrived outside the Ronaldo Mansion five minutes later. Raj knocked on the door but there was no answer for a minute so he tried again. Ronaldo opened the door wearing nothing but a rubber thong.
"I love you Ronaldo, I want to be with you forever" declared Raj. "Do I know you?" asked Ronaldo " I'm Raj, from Burger King in Bradford. You were there yesterday and you ordered a chicken royale meal from me." "I was just being friendly to someone who likes me, nothing more " explained Ronaldo

Raj heard a female voice coming from inside the house so, consumed with rage, he barged past Ronaldo to see a horrific image... it was Basanti lying there covered in Jelly. Raj welled up with tears and realising the two things he loved betrayed him so he went out to the car, grabbed a hammer, which he used to bludgeon Ronaldo and Basanti to death.

Raj confessed his crimes to the police but he pleaded that it was a crime of passion so his sentence was only 10 years with no parole. At this moment in time, Raj is two months into his sentence and rumour on the outside is that a few of the hardened criminals inside have made him their girlfriend/plaything. Also, the shock of Basanti's death and the court case took its toll on Ranjit and he died of a massive heart attack.

Its Daddies Day

Yay, thank god for daddies day and the lovely cards n pressies ya get. I got some real good uns this time around. A card that sings Daddy Cool and 3 pairs of boxers ( now thems are cool presents ).

My daddy-o goes into hospital tomorrow and then they operate on him Tuesday morning to remove the cancer... 8 hours its supposed to take ( I'll prob be bricking it ).

On a forum, there's a competition where we gotta write a story using specific words like thongs, Cristiano ronaldo but it has to start with a cow eating grass... the possibilities are endless.

I need a nice weekend break away somewhere but not 100% sure where to go... any ideas?

Its ruined

Not such a good day today. Just thought we'd take our youngest Zara out with us for a drive but the lovely young thing threw up all over the back seat and over n under her child seat too. Guess which sucker had to clean up

Dad goes into hospital next Monday and I'm real worried for him. I hope everything goes well

Fire, Fire

Hello again young children

What a lovely day.... the sun's been shining, a few birds were singing and Paris Hilton is stuck in some cell enjoying the best month of her life ;o).

There was a fire in our building at 4pm today which lasted over an hour to sort out. Unfortunately, most people finished work at 4:30pm but we left our coats and stuff in the building ( as we're advised to do ) so had to wait till it was all sorted.... least we got a bit of sun on our bodies

I've got an invite to a Question of Sport Fundraising Event from the Leys School in Cambridge... god knows who they are but I feel pretty special to be invited. Its on July 5th costing £40 each but you get a nice drinks reception followed by a nice dinner compromising of a Hog Roast with a chocolate fountain...the only question I have to ask myself is.... Should I stay or should I go? ;o)

We had a new woman who was supposed to start today but she didnt turn up... now we normally play a game of how long a new person will last and the quickest exit time is usually half a day but not to turn up is now the best time and I feel happy cos she wasnt my choice n I can say " I told you so "

I am offically classed as sad. I've got Black Lace's I am the Music Man on my phone ringtone and it rang in the office so now everyone at work knows what my taste in music is.

I've just been writing a letter to Mr Wenger over my hopes for next season. It starts a little like this:- " Dear Mr Wenger, please, please, please, please, please win something next season or I will cry " ;o)~

There was a wedding invitation in my hotmail inbox this morning... It was from Raj Singh ( aka Windass ) who was inviting me to his upcoming marriage with his SISTER - now I dont know about you but I am sure this isn't allowed innit?

Until next time, Peace!!!!

*Slappy exits stage left*

Its working again

Hi kiddies

Good news, I finally figured out my username on this thing and reset my password so the posts are going to come thick and fast (well, I can promise the thick bit but not sure about the fast comment )

Since my first post before my problems occured, there has been so much stuff happening. I've had a few fights with the missus and we've gotten over them but you always know another one is around the corner. Zara, my youngest has been walking for the past few months and she's even more hyper than the rest of the kids were at that age.

We did get some bad news that my pops has got Oral Cancer but its only 1cm at its early stage so they said they are going to operate on him within the next month. The surgery date is the 4th of July... the day the Americanos will be celebrating cos it was on this day about a decade ago that Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saved America and the world from a deadly alien invasion ;o)

I'm thinking of taking up music again as I'm enjoying playing a few instruments to keep the kiddies amused. I bought a little kiddie music set the other week and we're all having fun with them, I love the tambourine and the drums, the girls love the keyboard n the boys cant get enough of the recorders and harmonica ;o)

Well, I think thats all folks for today... will try to post some more when I'm not being lazy

Welcome

Welcome to my personal nightmare. My name is Slappy and I'm an over-opinionated idiot from Bolton. I've got an opinion on everything and am not afraid of letting others know what they are whether they want to read/listen to them or not

Let me tell you a little bit about myself...

My name's Kevin and I'm 29 years old. Married and have 5 bambino's....3 boys and 2 girls. I'm the middle child out of 5. I have an elder brother Alan whose a lawyer, my elder sister Kirsty is a cop, youngest two are called Kieran and Kelly ( twins ). I have a love/hate relationship with them.....I love to hate them ;o). Nah, we get on well at times but we all have egos which means we fall out quite a bit.

I'm working as Head of Finance which pays quite a bit but its a bit boring at times. I'm also a landlord which gives me power over the little people to pay me or else they'd catch my wrath

I love spending on cars and boys stuff.... we own a BMW X5, a Mitsubishi Evo, VW Golf GTi and Peugeot 206 GTi ( selling the Evo and looking to get an Audi A3 ).

I love Arsenal Football Club. Dont go as much as I'd like to and share my season ticket with my mum.

Until next time... peace!!!